Woolacombe, September 23rd- 25th 2006

Things started to go wrong before we'd even left the house.  Lee's pre-rally tyre checks the night before had disturbed a valve on his GT and caused a slow puncture.   Now, on any normal scooter would not be a problem.  I can even change a wheel so it's not exactly rocket science - or so I thought.  On a GT it's like open heart surgery so he pumped up the tyre, circulated the Ultra Seal all around and declared it fit to ride!!   Rather him than me....

Lofty and Rhona arrived at 9am and after a quick visit to the petrol station we headed west.  We picked up Terry and Angie near Pompey.  He'd splashed out on a new set of urban camouflage jacket and trousers - which made him look like an Action Man, and also some hefty saddlebags (guaranteed waterproof...).  The GMTV weather lady had promised no rain until Devon, so we were confident that we'd not get too soggy.  Famous last words!

Terry went in front and soon lost us as he weaved in and out of traffic on the M27.  (It turns out he wanted to get to the first stop quickly so he could have a fag!).  Then it was me, followed by Lofty and Lee.  We were approaching Southampton when I looked behind me and everyone had gone...  So I stopped on the hard shoulder and tried Lofty's phone.  No answer.   I tried Lee's phone and he reported that Lofty had broken down with a snapped throttle cable and that I should carry on to the garage we'd agreed to meet at.   So I continued  alone and met up with Terry (desperately puffing away on a cigarette) and Angie at the bottom of the A36.   Lee rang and said he was coming on his own as Lofty and Rhona had called the RAC to get picked up - the problem turned out to be more serious (his big end had gone) so they would be returning in the car later.

Once Lee had caught us up and we'd all filled up with petrol we started off again.  We were supposed to be meeting Andy from Salisbury on the A303 but Lofty had made all the arrangements, so I rang him to try to sort it out.  There was no answer so I left a message that we'd be at the agreed petrol station in a little while.   We'd got just past Salisbury when the heavens opened and so when we arrived at the meeting place and Andy wasn't there we sought shelter in the Little Chef for a quick cup of tea.   The rain got heavier and heavier and we were joined by loads of other scooterists eager to escape the deluge.  Gary pulled up and said hello but he didn't want to wait as he was meeting Stacey and Lin in the pub where they have their annual Egon Ronay meal on the way to the rally.   We said we'd see him there and waited for the rain to stop, and for Andy to ring, but neither happened so eventually we paid up and carried on, hopeful that it would calm down a bit.  Stacey had given me directions to what I thought was the 'Wet Camel' pub - but it turned out to be the Walnut Tree in a place called West Camel - how bizarre!  And it was shut - apparantly not doing lunches any more!   So I rang Stacey and they'd stopped at the Nags Head near the M5 instead so we scooted off there, arriving just after they stopped serving food.   This was too much for Lee who got all grumbly, as he does when he has to go without food for 2 hours, so we jumped back on the scooters and headed to Wetherspoons in Tiverton instead.   Luckily the rain had now stopped and been replaced by some lovely sun, so my soggy jeans started to dry out (my waterproofs are clearly misnamed - I think I'll sue Millets when I get back).

After a very pleasant meal we set off once again, and managed to get to Woolacombe without further incident, except Terry nearly having kittens cos he thought he was going to run out of petrol!   Stacey had already got the keys to our houses so we unpacked and cracked open the Strongbow.  Stacey and I had a nice little chat where we put the world to rights and Lee grumbled for the zillionth time, this time at me because I'd forgotton to pack him some towels.  Given that he's in his late thirties and been doing scooter rallies for over 20 years I thought that he was old enough to pack his own towels.   How silly of me (rolls eyes....).

The accommodation seemed to have deteriorated since last year, despite having a new bathroom fitted.  Half the light fittings didn't have bulbs and some of those that did were faulty.   Lee went to reception to complain and ask for a man to sort it out, but instead they gave him a handful of bulbs and told him to change them himself!   We then had a quick bath and headed for the pub where Lee got told off by the waitress for trying to fix the outside heater that wasn't working.   Lofty and Rhona had eventually arrived, somewhat stressed by their journey which included roadworks, closed roads, detours and accidents.   Champs and Denise had brought the van with his 'new' GP on the back, so that he could road test it just to prove it was as rubbish as he thought.   Angie discovered that the saddlebags were anything but waterproof, so all their clothes were damp, as were my socks and underwear too (not the ones I was wearing, mind...!).

We went up to the do and had a very pleasant evening catching up with people, including Michelle and Rob who'd got married the previous day - congratulations!   The Wurzels were entertaining, especially their version of Don't Look Back In Anger, but that particular track seemed to be on tape with them miming, which was a bit surreal.   I got nicely tipsy and Lee got completely hammered, as is traditional on the first night of a rally.   So much so that he fell asleep soon after 1am so I took him home where he crashed out on the sofa, snoring.   (I'll gloss over the nasty incident earlier when I saw a guy get punched and hit the ground head first, causing much blood and panic and eventually an ambulance and police.  I was told the next day that he was OK though, which was a huge relief as it was a bit scary to have seen it happen...)

Saturday dawned and after a hearty breakfast we headed to the stalls and stocked up on oil and bought a bargain pair of trainers for Sam for a fiver - which he'll grow into when his feet get to a size 7, sometime in the next 12 months I should think!   Steve had arrived with Campbell and Chris and they were all desperate to catch up in the drinking stakes (especially Campbell) so we rode down to the Red Barn in the town.   It had been overtaken with scooterists, as it was the destination of the rideout.  After a few jars we then returned to the campsite and settled in the bar to watch the footie results come in.  Chelsea won, which meant Pompey were knocked off the top of the league, but hopefully that lead will be restored tomorrow night when they play Bolton.  Lee wasn't happy because Coventry lost, and Lofty was gutted by Spurs' defeat too, so to take our mind off all things footie-related we got ringside seats next to Emma Cox in the main room to watch the hypnotist.   Champs had volunteered and I was very much looking forward to him pretending to be a chicken, or whatever she was going to ask him to do.   But sadly he wasn't susceptible to suggestion and giggled through the whole thing, and therefore was not selected to perform for us.   Those that were did a fine job, with much hilarity from the crowd.   One of the girls being hypnotised was told that Terry had no willy and balls that came down to his knees - so she subsequently looked at him with great pity.  It was very disconcerting when the performers were wearing 'magic' glasses that meant they could see all the audience naked.  Emma and I immediately crossed our legs and folder our arms across our chests!

And so to the evening.  Neville Staple was on stage and he was much better than he'd been a couple of years previously.   Lee was tired so went to bed early, as had Lofty who was feeling poorly, so it was left to me,  Steve and Rhona to put on our dancing shoes and we made the most of it, staying until the final record ended.  The main bar provided late entertainment in the shape of Lobby, who was having wrestling competitions with Steve Foster, Stuart Lanning and Stewart from the Talismen, who was the only one to floor him despite being 1/10th of his size!   Poor Emma Cox got caught up in it somehow too, ending up in a half nelson, poor girl....

And Sunday dawned.   I decided that if we left at 9am and averaged 50mph and only stopped for petrol that I could make it back for the second half of Sam's match near Chichester.  So that gave me the incentive I needed (and poor Lee had no choice in the matter) to open my throttle and dash back home as quick as poss.  My plan worked and I arrived half way through the first half with Bognor winning 2-0.   They got another couple before half time and the match ended 6-0 so it was well worth racing back.   Steve had kindly taken our bags in the van and when he dropped them off later he reported more incidents on the journey home.  Champs' GP test ride didn't go well as it seized up, and Andy had a blowout on the M5.   Just as well we had the back-up van....

It was a great rally and well done to Andy & Co for putting on a good show.   It was nice not having too many bands and the great weather helped too.